DIY chopping block from raw materials

My voice recorder ran out of batteries, so I’m quoting this one from memory. Dad was again outside chopping wood. I decided to ask him about the chopping setup he has going. Here’s what he said. 

Where’d you get that idea from?

The television.

You mean YouTube?

The television.

Right. So what’s the point of the tire? 

Hold the wood.

Alright. Care to elaborate?

The tire [dad sarcastically made a big circle with his hands, like he was talking to a guy who didn’t speak english] holds the wood [I won’t tell you what symbol he made to indicate “wood”]. Man swings the axe. Man splits the log. The log don’t fly into the neighbor’s yard. Got it Hombre?


Got it. 

And you can chop chop chop, split split split. Don’t have to keep bending over every time you crack some wood. The trick is loading the tire up real tight so they don’t fly away. Sometimes I use already split wood to keep it from flying.


That Wranglestar guy on the television-

YouTube

–built his stand out of 6x6s. Well, you know how I feel about Crook’s Depot, and I didn’t feel like going to Felix Hardware, so I just chopped the old fashioned way–setting one log on top another. About the time I started getting sick of bending over, and after about the third hernia, I got the idea. You don’t need no fancy 6×6 setup. Look. I got wood. [Dad sweeps his hand over his four acres]. Who cares if it ain’t square. So, I did some measuring, did some chain sawing and got me three big logs. Now I’ve got a platform.


Nice. 

Well…woulda been, but the tops of the logs didn’t meet. Chainsaw work ain’t too precise and all that. So, I just butted two at a time next to each other, lined the saw up to the shorter piece, and cut the taller piece to the same height, and there you have it.

What’s with the twine? 

Didn’t have no rope. Spent an hour driving down the roads on garbage day, but saw nothing but cardboard boxes, old televisions, and a crapper or two. But I did have some twine. I figured rope’s nothing but a bunch of twine wound together. It’ll do, I think. ‘Til I find some rope or some chain or something.


Care to take a swing?

I’m good. 

It’s them tight-[censored] jeans of yours. Give you [censored] room to breathe, son. You’re strangling my grandkids.

Whoa. Who said anything about grandkids?

Yeah, you’re right. Not a chance you’ll find a girl that’d be make lo–

Alright, we’re good. 

Dad would probably kill me if he knew I posted an affiliate link, but, well, you know. A guy’s gotta make money. And it won’t cost you nothing. Just those “Cronies” at Amazon. Check out this splitting maul. 

It’s one of dad’s favorites. Er…well, I guess probably not since he claims he forged his own from the depths of a spewing volcano. But you get the idea. 

Now buy a splitting maul.



Leave a Reply